I thought for a long while about how I was going to write this. To be honest, I wasn’t even sure I was going to. I wondered if I could write about my Saturday night and not sound like a hater. I worried that I might come off as pathetic or lonely — or maybe worse, that I’d be seen as cocky, sounding picky and more full of myself than anyone really should be. And then I realized — you know what? I’m none of those things. I’m just an average guy who happens to have nothing to do on a Saturday night. No dinner plans, no crazy night out drinking, and no real desire to do anything. What makes that such a big deal you ask? Today is Valentine’s Day.
So yeah, I’m staying in tonight. I’m going to order some take-out, open a bottle of wine, and work on getting over this cold I’ve been fighting. I mean, really, what are my other options? I could call up some girl I’ve apparently already deemed not worthy of the evening and try to convince both her and myself that’s not the case. Or maybe I should attend one of the many anti–Valentine’s Day parties going on in the city that stink of desperation and passed party snacks. Or better yet, maybe I should spend the night watching sappy movies while rebelliously eating an entire package of chocolate chip cookies. Ok, that last one actually sounds like a fantastic evening, but I feel the need to abstain just to prove my point. I’m perfectly happy to do absolutely nothing on Valentine’s Day.
When did this day become the romantic ruler we all measure our love lives up against? It’s ridiculous. As I left the office yesterday, three people asked me how many ladies I was trying to fit into my weekend. Then, when I stopped by my neighborhood convenience store to pick up tonight’s vino, the nice Asian man who runs the store winked at me and asked in broken English, Buying this for big night with lady?” And finally, when my mom called just to let me know “I will always be her Valentine,” she lectured me about settling down and having kids because I’m going to need someone to “wipe my ass when I get old enough that I can’t.” Special isn’t it? I told her she should start writing for Hallmark. It runs in the family.
Now, this next line is going to sound rehearsed, but I’m going to say it anyway. When I’m in a relationship, I want Valentine’s Day to be the least romantic day of the year. I mean, why be so damn predictable? Think about it.
Wearing a costume on Halloween is fun. But if you really want to have a good time, dress up like — oh, I don’t know — a hot dog and head out some random night in May. I can tell you from experience, if you don’t get arrested or beaten up, it’s one hell of an entertaining evening.
So, what did you guys do this Valentine’s Day? Did you do something you want to do, or did you do something you feel you have to do? That’s what this is really all about. Save your have-tos for things like your taxes and the dentist, and use your want-tos on things that are important to you. Ok, that’s all for now. I’m going to go. The John Cusack masterpiece, Serendipity, is on TNT, and I want to go buy some cookies.
