HAD I KNOWN everyone out there loathes the idea of childbearing and rearing as much as I do, I would've written my manifesto much sooner ("Rotten Eggs: Pondering Procreation," September 25, 2007). Stay tuned for reasons 11 through 347 in coming months. In the meantime, while I normally offer pithy and misguided rebuttals to my readers' letters, I thought these missives on motherhood were best left to speak for themselves.
I am a total Stuff@night supporter and wanted to let you know I love your articles. The article you wrote about societal norms is great. I am very anti-conventional [about things like] marriage and children. I have tried, but I am just not a child fan. Why spend money on these little things that don't appreciate you, and when they get old enough they will bitch at you, when you can just spend money on yourself and have a little less stress in your life? I admire you for not going along with those social norms. It's like they think you are 30 so you need to be on your way to poppin' out kids like Pez.
I really enjoyed reading "Rotten
Eggs." For someone not interested in
a) getting fat, b) cleaning shitty diapers for years, and c) having no time to truly enjoy life, this kind of article is refreshingly reassuring. I always get the, "Oh, you just don't know that you want it yet" or the "You are such a freak" silences. Why do people feel the need to judge women who are probably saving a child from abuse and neglect by not having one? We need to hear more messages like your article that are lighthearted and, frankly, make sense!
As I was scanning Stuff@night for your article, I was so excited to see that I was not alone in my feelings about not having children! Although I must tell you at least you are not a "breeder" and can use that as an excuse. I am screwed. I am so sick of having people tell me that I will want them someday and that I "haven't met the right person yet" or that I haven't "grown up yet." For god's sake, I am 25. I am not 12! And who has the right to tell ME what I want from life or to decide if I have or haven't met the right person yet? I wish that one day, just once, someone would just say, "You know what, honey? Good for you! At least you know what you want and you should go for it! You don't HAVE to have kids. If you don't want them, then don't have them!" But for now I am just going to have to settle with the looks of horror that I get every day. And someday, when I don't have saggy tits and still have a great body, I will point and laugh at all the people who ever looked at me like I was a Wiggles assassin.
I would have liked it more if you mentioned how childbearing is an essential cog for the economic wheel, and without it we become relatively normal self-actualized adults, and heaven forbid that! The other thing that pretty much guarantees that at least I won't be having any of these little bundles of pain is the women around this wonderful city! When they are in scouting mode for the contributor of half the DNA they need to procreate, the guy has to have something going for him that only they get to define, and the card game is stacked where they hold all the trump cards that get dealt whenever and wherever needed! No rules, all theirs! And that is something inflation has infused and the upwardly mobile interest hedges on some pretty distinct values that leave many men shaking their heads and going for the mail-order brides rather then the locals!
My freakish adoration for little alien-looking babies with heads twice the size of their bodies aside, I was laughing out loud as I read your article. I was in a miserable mood, sitting in a miserable jury-pool room, doing my miserable "civic duty" when I came across your article, and it was the singular thing that brought joy to my morning! And in all of my laughing, I can honestly say that you have changed a habit of mine (and not the monosyllabic cooing. I may never give that up). But I realized that in the past I have been somewhat aghast when questioning friends of mine who really don't want kids. And today, after reading your manifesto, I found out that a new friend of mine who is happily dating a guy doesn't really want kids. So instead of badgering her into "wanting to have a human head squeezed through her vagina," I just said, "Oh, I didn't know that. Cool." So your great writing was both entertaining and life-altering. And really, is that too much to ask from an article!?
As a father of a 13-year-old and weekend caregiver of his three-year-old little bro (not mine but I love him so), you are so, so right on all points. Parenthood is the gift that keeps on taking!
I really enjoyed your piece "Rotten Eggs." I am also in my thirties and have never wanted children. I work with mostly straight women who are mothers and I can't even begin to count the number of times I have been told "Oh, sweetie, someday you'll want children." Well, considering I'm well into my thirties, if the maternal drive hasn't kicked in, I don't think it will! I get tired of all the baby showers and weddings my straight friends make me endure! And it's frustrating to see my sexually liberated, progressive, independent, liberal friends change into overprotective busybody moms. My good friend recently told me of her three-year- old, "as soon as Ella can p-o-o-p-y we are going to have a potty party!" How the hell am I supposed to respond to that!? Anyway, I loved the piece and I, too, enjoy my freedom, good clothes, and travel, and really enjoy my beauty sleep! Thanks for always writing with brave conviction!
I'm 30, been married a couple years, and (gasp!) I do not want children. Family learned quite some time ago not to bother asking me anymore, but my friends don't know how to take a hint. They keep asking when the babies are coming, and when I say I don't want them, they tell me, "Oh, hopefully you'll change," or "Once you're around them more, you'll want them." Maybe, maybe not. I still can't get over the balls that some women have to broach such a personal decision, especially in light of so many of us that have problems with fertility. You'd think that women our age would be a tad more sensitive. Ugh. It's enough to make me tear my hair out. It's refreshing to know that there are other people out there like myself. And it's funny how you say the act of child-rearing is selfish. Because all the people who scoff at me not wanting to procreate? That's what they refer to me as being. Cheers to freedom! @
Jeannie Greeley is a stretch-mark-free freelance writer. She can be reached at jeannieg@comcast.net.
