I have no idea what kind of potpourri of perversion made its way into my mailbox this month. But here’s a taste of what was fit for print. As always, letters have been edited for brevity and to make you people look a bit smarter than you are.
I really appreciated your recent column in Stuff@night [Money Talks]. I was watching Suze Orman the other night, and basically she stated that you should never, ever share all of your money in one bank account with your husband or wife. She suggested you take some of your own earnings and keep a separate account for buying them presents, treating yourself, escaping from the marriage, etc. What is the point in committing your life to another person if you can’t even trust them with your money?
Money Honey
Dear Money Honey,
If only Madonna had listened to good ole Suze, she wouldn’t be dishing out a reported $76 million to that excuse of a director husband of hers. It’s not an issue of trust. With most marriages failing these days, it’s an issue of self-preservation. Suze wasn’t suggesting a miserly grip on all of your money. She was simply advocating for an individual safety net to spend on more important things like facials and affairs.
As an undercover bi guy from Brooklyn living here, you remind me that this city doesn’t totally suck. I would love if you would address the following at any time: How many bi guys do you know? Would your straight (or quasistraight) girlfriends date a bi guy? Do you know or hang out with any transsexuals? Or know anyone dating a transsexual? I heard of Jacques but I haven’t been there yet. Most drag shows I have seen here in the bean have been terrible!
Bi Spy
Dear Bi Spy,
The troubling word for me here is “undercover.” If you’re bare-backing a dude one night and then giving it to your lady friend the next, there’s a high likelihood you’ll be sharing more than just the love. So honesty about your bisexuality might be the best route in that case. As for Jacques, you’re more likely to land a trashy bachelorette or a haggard crossdresser with saggy pantyhose. Sure, it’s entertaining, but if you’re looking for actual drag talent, Ryan Landry and his Gold Dust Orphans are the real thing.
I am just quickly touching base with everyone who has received a We-Vibe™ . That said, I popped across to your website and felt a frisson of nervousness — your strength of character comes across in buckets! Anyway, if you find a moment, would you mind dropping me a quick line and letting me know if the We-Vibe has been of interest.
Head of Projects, Media Bitch™
Dear Media Bitch,
My sincere apologies for not responding after the receipt of your fabulous product, which, readers should know, won a host of sex toy awards, including the 2008 Top Toy of the Year. I slipped into an isolated weeklong coma after test running that little purple devil, and my fingers were too wrinkled to type. So, needless to say, it was a success — despite my initial attempts, during which the weakened battery crapped out on me. But can I make one suggestion? Though the chic Gucci-like case is quite dazzling, it’s a bit awkward when you open it at the beach looking for your sunglasses and find only a vibrator to shield your eyes from the sun.
Jeannie Greeley is a freelance writer and part-time toy tester. She can be reached at jeannieg@comcast.net.
