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Bad vibrations

by Jeannie Greeley | April 22, 2008
I AM NOT a promise-maker. But here’s one I intend to keep: never will I attend another sex-toy party as long as blood continues to pump to my pink parts. I don’t care if it’s being thrown by Parker Posey on a Caribbean island and the dress code is string...

In The Sack: Sock It To Me, Muthafuckinpissedofflady, and more

by Jeannie Greeley | April 07, 2008
I LOVE pissing off lesbians. The capital-letter fury of their responses never fails to entertain me. From irate lesbians to bi-curious co-workers to sensitive gents, this last batch of letters brought out all the colors of the rainbow. (Letters have been...

Sinners and Saints: A Mardi Gras showdown

by Jeannie Greeley | March 10, 2008
DRIVING CROSS-country gives you a lot of time to think. You can put miles between you and any insignificant relationship woes. You can master the state capitals. You can become acquainted with the history of "meat showers" in some of our finer...

On the Couch ... with a horny handicapped* hombre

by Jeannie Greeley | February 25, 2008
I'VE SPENT many a night with a certain pal of mine, scoping women in bars and bitching about relationship woes. But while complaining about my trivial challenges, I sometimes forget how much more difficult it is for him, a disabled man in the dating...

Straight Shot: On exploring the opposite gender

by Jeannie Greeley | February 06, 2008
THE FIRST thing that alarms me is the facial hair, dragging across my chin like an enraged porcupine. Then I feel large, rough hands cupped around my face. Then the musky aroma creeps up and stings my nose. Holy absence of labia minora! I'm with a...

In The Sack: Responses to "Rotten Eggs: Pondering Procreation"

by Jeannie Greeley | January 28, 2008
HAD I KNOWN everyone out there loathes the idea of childbearing and rearing as much as I do, I would've written my manifesto much sooner ("Rotten Eggs: Pondering Procreation," September 25, 2007). Stay tuned for reasons 11 through 347 in...

Demented and Sad, but Social: Venturing into the ‘singles’ world

by Jeannie Greeley | January 08, 2008
SIGN HERE. Take a name tag. You're number 41. Now print your number on this envelope. Decorate the envelope with the supplies in the other room. Hang your envelope on the wall over there. Then people can leave you messages. Yay! Have fun! This is...

The Art of Apathy: On fighting the battle of who could care less

by Jeannie Greeley | November 30, 2007
MY MOTHER called the other day and excitedly announced that she was about to conduct that annual holiday tradition, "picking names." The ritual involves my mother, scraps of paper, and her gleeful assigning of gift-buying duties. "I was...

On the Couch: ... With the Other Woman

by Jeannie Greeley | November 19, 2007
A WHILE BACK, I began this "On the Couch" interview series with people willing to reveal intriguing or unique aspects of their sexual lives. I suspended it for some time after freaking out one unsuspecting subject. But I revive it now with a...

Coming out in Carolina: A journey through my journal

by Jeannie Greeley | November 05, 2007
TEN YEARS ago, I was entering my junior year at the University of South Carolina, having just returned from a semester in Los Angeles - the city that made me gay. Actually, it was my Asian roommate, with her plump lips and cashmere sweaters, who made...

Post-Coital Paranoia: A little time with my subconscious

by Jeannie Greeley | October 17, 2007
UNTIL RECENTLY, I had been - give or take the random drunken mistake - consistently sleeping with one person for quite some time. We were enjoying all the comforts of familiarity. We knew how to pull off the quick orgasm, the protracted one, the filthy...

In the Sack: Negative Nancy, small demands, dysfunctional designer, and more

by Jeannie Greeley | October 03, 2007
DESPERATE GAYS. Angry gays. Latent gays. They all came out of the woodwork this month looking for a healthy dose of therapeutic advice. Who am I not to deliver? As always, letters have been edited for brevity and clarity, but not for sensitivity. As a...

Rotten Eggs: Pondering procreation

by Jeannie Greeley | September 19, 2007
I USE THREE forms of birth control: my sister's children, homosexuality, and my other sister's children. To date, all have worked perfectly fine. (And though I'd love to rankle the Catholic church, I'm not sure I'm the candidate they...

Fun blonde brings home bi-guy: welcome to the Xciting world of XTube

by Jeannie Greeley | September 07, 2007
I first heard about XTube — YouTube’s naked, well-hung, slutty stepbrother, with even less talent and more ego — weeks ago from a friend, who gasped at my unfamiliarity with the sex site. I promptly went to my computer to begin my one-handed research...

Get Real: Venus Envy prepares for Prime Time

by Jeannie Greeley | August 27, 2007
LADIES, LOCK up your girlfriends. Boys, break out the hand cream. The lesbian version of the TV show The Bachelorette is coming - and it promises to be as pathetic and unrealistic as its straight counterparts. "For the first time ever, a major cable...